You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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