Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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