so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
