OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
