just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
