the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
