I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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