My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
