i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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