Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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