Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
