is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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