totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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