So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
