matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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