Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
