Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
