She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
