ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
