i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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