its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize