Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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