He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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