Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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