I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
