Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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