Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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