Will you blow on my dice?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
