Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
