dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
