I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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