I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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