Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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