I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
