we have pet lesbian snakes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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