i already hear my dad disowning me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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