This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
