If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
