Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
