Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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