Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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