Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
