what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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