I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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