6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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