My Higher Power is John Stamos
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
