so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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