I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
