My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
