dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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