Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
