Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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