Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
