im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
