i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
