I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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