my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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