need another drink. this is the easiest way
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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