I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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