I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
