she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize