Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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