I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
