he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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