Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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